ethoughts weekly- Issue 166

June 19, 2007

Using old shoes

I was gone over the weekend and Monday, so that is why this installment of ethoughts is late this time.

Currently, I’m suffering from something that’s never happened before. My feet are swollen so much, in certain spots, that it’s fairly difficult to walk. No, I didn’t step on a bee’s nest, and I don’t have gout, I simply was walking much too long, and much too far, in flip flops. It was one of those silly mistakes you don’t anticipate making, but once you make it, you pay for it for days. I wish it was more glamorous. I wish I had been pursuing a purse-snatcher, and wore out myself, but it's really juat an ordinary tale of overexertion.

The hotel clerk informed me that the exciting, fun-filled 2.5 mile-long Boardwalk, was only a measly 1mile away. That sounded like a fun jaunt, and an amusing evening activity. The Boardwalk was actually 2.5 miles away. So what would be a pleasant walk, feasible in flip flops, later turned into a grueling, blistering, and yes, bloody, ten mile round trip, slog of doom. Does that sound dramatic? Too dramatic? There was plenty of whining too. I did have a rather tasty roast beef sandwich on the Boardwalk though, and that helped my mood for a bit. That being the true highlight, (good food usually is a big upper,) I can tell you the pain was and is real. This walk happened Saturday night, and my feet are still very swollen, bone bruised, and aching now which is Tuesday night. As the whining continues, I realize the power of the cliché, “Maybe you should walk a mile in my shoes, than you’d understand.” Of course, I see that phrase as pathetically insufficient. I should like it said, “If you could slog ten miles in my thin soled, flesh shredding, flip flops, than you’d understand.”

I realize it doesn’t really roll of the tongue in quiet the same way. But, the original phrase is a good reminder of how we should have sympathy, especially if we can’t summon empathy. We do need to have compassion for others. We all want compassion for ourselves. It’s true that many times we don’t understand the whys and wherefores of other people’s choices, actions, or decisions, because our circumstances, and experiences are not the same. We judge others by our vantage point. We don’t understand their pain, their struggle, or their plight. We have not “walked in their shoes,” or lived their life. It’s rather presumptuous to cast verdicts, and have such strong opinions. How would we really know-- we don’t have all the facts, and we certainly don’t have the experience as a resource for an informed decision? It’s wise to withhold casting judgment. It might be the wisest thing you do all day.

And to speak to a different, but related point- Depending on where our shoes, (or flip flops) have walked, our worst struggles, once addressed, or overcome, can be the biggest encouragement and boon to others. Since we’ve “been there,” we have that extra empathy other do not yet possess. We can meet people, with similar struggles, right where they are. Never think that your weaknesses will always be your weaknesses, they can, and really should, turn into your greatest assets, because through them, you will help others to overcome. You will, if you allow your shoes, (or flip flops) to be used like trailblazer shoes carving a path, to make it easier for the next pilgrim on that tough route. Your hard journey can be meant for much more than you think. When someone else knows you’ve been where they are right now, they will likely be so grateful, and they won’t feel so alone. No one wasn’t to feel alone. Show them your old shoes. But, it may take a summoning of your courage. It may take willingness on your part, to share your life, your past hurts, and your stories, so they can be helped. Once you’ve walked your miles, someone may need to know about it. And if you haven’t walked the same miles, please, be gracious, you probably don’t understand what someone is really going through.

As for me, probably some of the only wise advice I can give you is, if you’re going to walk more than three miles, wear good socks and sneakers.

Lisa DeLay

©2007