ethoughts weekly- Issue 149

Feb 19, 2007

Check out theooze.com, for my article entitled Grace-filled Relationships: Yuck what a Mess.

Touch

I was away at a women’s retreat this weekend. The theme was called “Women Touched by Jesus”. All through the Gospels, especially in the book of Mark, Jesus puts his hands on people. On outcasts, on the lonely, on diseased and hurting people, he reaches out, touches them, and heals them. There is something so profound there. It got me to thinking, rather deeply about touch.

In our society touching is actually so infrequently done during normal daily interactions, that to be touched, by someone that isn’t a family member, or a dear friend, is a novel or noteworthy occurrence. It's "abnormal" to be touched most of the time. Many could attest to going through a whole day without touching anyone. With illness being spread through the common custom of handshaking, politicians now have tables of antibacterial gel back stage to use after public appearances. Pressing the flesh comes with a threat or a price; even they realize that. Often times the barriers and boundaries between people are symbolized in the lack of or aversion to touch.

I remember that was one of the strangest and saddest realities about going away to college. At first, I didn’t know anyone well enough to touch them. For a few weeks, I really didn’t touch anybody. I felt very isolated and alone in the middle of the crowds of students, and vibrant student life. I witnessed many young adults becoming too physical, too quickly in their romantic connections because of a thirst, I believe, to simply be touched, to connect in a meaningful way. If they were touched with touches that were frequent, caring and nonsexual, they wouldn’t likely search as hard for the sexual touches from potential lovers. Ironically, it becomes more acceptable, and far more ordinary to touch someone sexually because of the famine of meaningful, kind and sexually-neutral touches. I think it is because touch is so powerful that we have tried to really rein it in, and put some solid parameters on it. But it’s obvious some of the cultural norms have gotten a bit ridiculous or contradictory.

At dictionary.com (a wonderful place,) there were over sixty entries for the word touch. The first five are: –verb (used with object)

1.

to put the hand, finger, etc., on or into contact with (something) to feel it: He touched her soft face gently.

2.

to come into contact with and perceive (something), as the hand or the like does.

3.

to bring (the hand, finger, etc., or something held) into contact with something: She touched a match to the papers.

4.

to give a slight tap or pat to with the hand, finger, etc.; strike or hit gently or lightly.

5.

to come into or be in contact with.

I remember a story I heard about babies in orphanages in Eastern Block nations who did not receive touch. Though physically cared for, they would fail to thrive, lose weight, and often die for nothing else other than the lack of caring touch on their little bodies. Others would suffer from serious mental illnesses, mental retardation, or other inexplicable aliments. They suffered from touch deprivation, and that lack of touch would carve out a certain kind of lesser life for them, or end it too soon. It’s not so different for the rest of us I think.

The synonyms for touch listed at dictionary.com were even more revealing to me, than the definitions.

—Synonyms 1. handle, feel. 13. impress. 15. move, strike, stir, melt, soften. 21. concern, regard, affect. 38. pat, tap. 48. hint, trace, suggestion.

This is what it is to be touched. In some concrete way, we are affected inside by something on the outside. From outside ourselves, something makes contact with us, and we aren’t the same as before. What is on the exterior affects something on our interior. A barrier breaks. It might incite something, it might encourage something, it might reset our bearings, it might heal, it might hurt, but regardless, touch implies that what happens is affective in quality, more than anything else.

When one retreat speaker Susan, and I were talking face-to-face, she said, if you put a daub of cinnamon oil on your foot, in a minute, or so, you will actually taste cinnamon. That touch goes through the skin and into the blood stream. It travels through the body, into every part, and soon into the taste buds of the mouth. I think it’s the same for every other kind of touch, all the non-cinnamon varieties. Once we are touched, whether we know it or not, our whole body responds as it becomes involved. Likely even our mind and our heart do as well. The most potent quality of touch is the characteristic of connection that has influence. It is not vocal or visual, but it speaks volumes and paints quite a picture. Touch is figurative, and literal.

Maybe we can be more mindful of the power, wonder and goodness of touch this week. Maybe we can do something special for someone that touches them, and truly touches them. I think of the sick, the elderly, the neglected children, those without families, and all kinds of lonely people who miss the precious gift of touch regularly in their lives. Maybe someone like this will need to be touched by you.

Lisa DeLay

©2007