ethoughts weekly- Issue 143

Jan 7 2007

Nathan's Best Friend

It’s nice to report good news, and this week I have some.

My son has made a best friend. Most parents who have children almost seven years old, have already experienced this milestone. My daughter has had a best friend, according to her declaration of it, at two years old. But, Nathan experiences life through Autism. He couldn’t even talk in full sentences until he was about 6. He used mimicking, and utter short repetitive phrase bursts to tell us his needs. It wasn’t really full, or reciprocal communication. Socially, he hasn’t experienced even the true desire to have an extended time of interaction with another human being until this year.

It’s been hard to watch him, left off other children’s birthday invitation lists, and requests to come over and play by other children. He doesn’t realize the exclusion that much at his point, at least. In their defense, I know that he’s hard to read. I know most kids don’t know what to do with him. His speech is odd and mannerisms are abnormal sometimes. He might say and do off-putting or unanticipated things. Numerous times, I’ve seen children attempt to interact only to become confused and give up. They walk away and engage other more compatible children, giving him even less experience at becoming accustomed with peers.

But, that all changed as of this winter. This Saturday he will have his first genuine play date away from home, with his best buddy, Jonathan. It’s actually a not so small miracle. It shows his huge rehabilitation gains within his autistic experience. His social skills are 2-3 years behind, but they exist, and they are developing. Many children with his severity of neurological disorder never have even a single typical friend. Other humans are seen as tools to deliver what is needed, or mere listeners, not beings for the purposes of volleying conversation, or sharing deep interactions. With Autism, it’s like a spot on their brains that help a person speak, and make a person desire to be near and with other people, is largely erased.

Jonathan loves trains. With this common passion, and Jonathan’s easy-going nature, he and Nathan have turned into a compatible pair that enjoys every recess together playing with vehicle toys in the mulch. I feel like breaking open the Champagne. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see this day. When he was nearly three, he wouldn’t even answer to his name or call us “Mommy” and Daddy”. Forty years ago, with his traits, he would have been recommend for lifelong living in a institution.

He went from dreading his long school day, to a daily excitement of picking out a different toy to take from home, to show and share with Jonathan at recess. His mother expressed a desire to get the kids together for playing, swim club, lakeside picnics, and amusement park trips over the summer. It’s whole new world of socialization with rich payoffs for Nathan.

We had wanted to get him a special work dog trained to help with his autistic setbacks. I knew his love for animals would foster new practice in the area of social connections. Above all the dog would be an ally. But, a dog is not a person. Practice with in dog is not as transferable to human interactions. This is why Jonathan is our little answer to prayer. There is no need for a support dog now; Nathan has the real thing. He has a best friend, in boy form.

Many have prayed for us, and if you are one of those people, I thank you. We thank you. We still deal with a number of problematic autistic issues with Nathan. Today, for instance, he kept running away from us, and crying instead of getting in the car to go to church. He’d yell his desires of staying behind, and seemed beside himself. He can’t communicate the “whys” of his personal reservations; challenging tamper tantrums ensue. Two years ago this happened 3-6 times per day. Now, it’s that number per week. His coping skills still need refining, but things are going better. Keep praying, God is answering our prayers. Jonathan is just one example of a real flesh and blood help, and natural therapy for our sweet boy.

Thank God for answered prayer. I hope you can think of something you're grateful for this week. If nothing else, be thankful that you don't experience autism personally. It's a prison, until someone gives you a chance. And even then, it's not easy.

Lisa DeLay

©2006