ethoughts

Oct 7, 2007

Greetings! I had a wonderful time speaking at a retreat this weekend near Lewistown, Pa., and now some new friends are joining this readership. Welcome! You may pass these ethoughts on to others if you'd like, (see below).

If Only

Two of the heaviest words in the English language are “if only”. They seem tiny enough but they weigh down the toughest among us. They push on us like a backpack of dumbbells, and I think they come from a kind of common disease.

We really don’t see the source of "if onlys" as a disease because this condition has obvious plus sides to it. It makes us productive or accomplished. It makes us seems diligent, tenacious, and attentive. Some might even be proud of themselves for being conscientious or fastidious in some ways. Is being a good, hard worker after all can’t be a bad thing? What is so bad about pushing yourself to be the best? Nothing, right? Well, sort of. The reason “if only” is part of a kind of disease is because we feel less and less healthy the more we are involved with all of it. What I am speaking about is perfectionism.

“Never Enough” is the town that perfectionists live in. They drive a “Shoulda”. Many times the thoughts of perfectionists are consumed by the words “if only”. If only I could do a better job. If only I had said something better. If only I looked this way. If only I could be that way. If only I could be a better mother. If only I spent more time reading the Bible. If only I could keep my temper in check. If only I could be more organized. If only I could make more money. The list goes on.

Sometimes we think accomplishing our long list of “if onlys” determine God’s pleasure or displeasure with us. We don't see that his grace is not performance dependant. Our self-acceptance seems to be though. This is a case of giving ourselves a heavy load when God wants us to have a light one. While God has high expectations and desires our love and devotion, he doesn’t click his tongue in disapproval when we fail to accomplish our pile of mile-high “if onlys”. He never put a stack on us at all. He keeps things simple. He wants a better and richer life for us beyond our burdensome ways. This is what Jesus refers to when he talked about a light yoke and an abundant life full of joy. An “if only” life is a life with the joy sucked out. It doesn’t have to be like that.

If you find yourself stuck driving a “Shoulda” all day-- “I shoulda done a better job with that presentation,” for instance-- or living in the town of “Never Enough”-- “It’s probably not good enough. If I just spend another hour or two I could a better job on that project,” maybe it’s time to throw off your heavy backpack of “if onlys” and take a leisurely stroll to a better town called Freedom. In this town, actions are coupled with responsibility, and the load is much lighter simply because you’ve cut yourself a break. Don't be made weary at your own hands, friends.

-Lisa

lisadelay.com

Lisa DeLay

©2007